Friday, April 11, 2014

Give me underwear, give me liberty

I wish I had an endless supply of clean underwear, all undergarments - including socks
I loathe laundry
It's like taking a big hunk of life and throwing it in the trash - the time it takes.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

2 sides of the same coin

It's like slipping into a deep sleep after a long, hard day
It's like a warm bath, or the comfort of the warm sun on your skin
like a rich, delicious, sinful dessert that you can't wait to enjoy and eat slowly to savor
It's feels safe and comfortable  
That's the danger of depression, it's easy to make it a lifestyle without realizing it's happening, without realizing it's not a good thing, it's a trap.
I guess that's the way it is with a lot of things that are bad for you
Without realizing it - what's bad is good, and what's good is bad   
Before you know it - you're drowning in the water
You're suffocating in your sleep
you've overindulged and are now choking on what was a lovely treat 
And that feels safe too

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

I need relief

I am addicted to pain relievers

My hurt and depression runs deep and I want to numb the pain

The problem with pain relievers though; they do not heal, they only numb or dull the pain temporarily

They do not heal

Pain relievers take many forms - most of mine are actions: eating/food, cooking, cleaning, chores. Things to occupy time and space so there's no time for the pain - no time to notice that no one else notices the gaping wounds

I am bandaged by sandwiches, stitched up by cooking dinner for my family, doing laundry or cleaning the bathroom is my crutch

I am losing sleep lately with worry - my family doesn't talk to me, include me, reach out to me and I wonder who these people are? That contact me when they have problems or need prayer but do not see me.

The pain relievers of today are no longer doing their job - they're not enough anymore and I am not healed.