tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28913967411270184762024-03-12T21:29:12.414-07:00I Hate to Eat and Run...1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-36827264493280025962015-01-03T13:45:00.000-08:002015-02-16T10:58:29.656-08:00Coffee date with meIt took me a while to remember how to log into my blog - usernames and passwords are so dumb. But after all the trouble I guess I should blog something...<br />
<br />
Today is Saturday, January 3rd. I woke up late, showered, dressed etc...took Mocha for a walk and went out for coffee by myself. I often want to go out for coffee on weekends, just sit and sip and think, but I don't usually want to go alone. I think going out for coffee should be an event, a plan, an outing together with someone for fun and bonding. It was that today for me - even alone. I needed time with ME, to be reminded of my value and worth. I listened to RLC sermon online about having "one thing" in mind as a goal for your relationship with Christ and the word Joy! kept coming into my mind. I haven't had much joy - I don't allow it, I push it down. Honestly, I think I don't deserve it. I am looking to change that. God, help me to change that.<br />
<br />
The new year brings thoughts of resolution - of change, goals, dreams. I walked up the stairs to my apartment after work yesterday and thought "I don't want to diet" (LOL) that's always my resolution and I have had in my mind that I will be starting a diet on Monday 1/05/2015 - but I don't want to. I want to feel <b><i>good about myself</i></b> and that is not going to happen by dieting. I feel good about me right now because I took the time to do something I wanted to do, so simple just having a coffee by myself and not feeling guilty about it. I will find joy in that today and the reminder that came from it while I was there - JOY!1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-33402213010105696872014-05-12T13:01:00.003-07:002015-01-03T13:10:58.541-08:00The making of a memoryJustin had been away for our anniversary - working in Washington. He came home and asked what I wanted to do to celebrate both our 22 years married and mothers day. Disneyland, San Diego, Sea World? All I could think of was going outside - to nature. So I looked for a get away spot in Big Bear and found something affordable with last minute availability and jumped on it! I was so so excited, and happy that there would be a lot of room - we could bring Selena and Mocha and enjoy quite, family time and the outdoors...<br />
Selena seemed to want to go with us, but made fun of me pretty much the whole time for my ideas of wanting to "be in nature" - "it's not going to be what you expected" "is this what you wanted to do?" "Are you enjoying your nature?" There were arguments and put downs at every turn, but we get past them and try to enjoy what we can out of hurt and guilt and the promise of smiling, fun pictures that tell a tale of some great time.<br />
I will really really try to never do that again, but I doubt I will keep that word - because when it comes down to it - I want Selena with us and won't give up trying to have fun with her, make memories with her, give her ideas and hope for fun family time in the future when I am no longer here...so, we went through the motions, smiled for pictures etc.<br />
Sunday was mothers day - we woke up and argued, I cried and was sad and drove away from nature with anticipation of being home where we could be in our perspective corners, away from each other and the hurt that comes from words said, and unsaid. We came home and slept for hours, woke up and was forced to eat a take out dinner that I didn't want ideally for my mothers day dinner - but kept us from having to choose something that was not neutral ground, like going out for margaritas and BBQ and having to leave someone home to sit with Mocha. The mean words and attitudes continued to wound and I haven't stopped the interval crying.<br />
Add to that the emptiness I feel that my mother is not here - the unfairness of that!! The stupidity of me checking FB again and again and seeing everyone celebrating their mothers and how their children celebrated them, an overwhelming emptiness and loneliness wraps me up like a blanket and I want to scream but am stifled by... by what? What stops me? My dignity? HA! It's my phoniness that keeps me quite and the fear that others will hear me and not care. 1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-44112600320111820262014-05-01T08:08:00.000-07:002014-05-01T08:09:18.353-07:00A reflection of meI was so sad and lonely I layed in bed and ate. I drove through Del Taco, ordered food, drove home, ate it in bed and watched TV - consciencely, knowing that I was eating out of depresion, sadness, loniless but not caring because I wanted relief. <br />
I haven't cleaned my house in weeks, the kitchen floor unmopped, the toilet dirty, I wear dirty clothes - I just don't want to care, I do care, less and less each day. <br />
We bought a new car 4 months ago, and I have not had it washed - ever. It's a mess inside and out, a reflection of me. 1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-51104244945132365582014-04-11T08:56:00.004-07:002014-04-18T15:20:52.849-07:00Give me underwear, give me liberty I wish I had an endless supply of clean underwear, all undergarments - including socks<br />
I loathe laundry<br />
It's like taking a big hunk of life and throwing it in the trash - the time it takes.<br />
<br />1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-53850396465686802732014-04-06T18:02:00.004-07:002014-04-11T08:53:09.580-07:002 sides of the same coinIt's like slipping into a deep sleep after a long, hard day<br />
It's like a warm bath, or the comfort of the warm sun on your skin<br />
like a rich, delicious, sinful dessert that you can't wait to enjoy and eat slowly to savor <br />
It's feels safe and comfortable <br />
That's the danger of depression, it's easy to make it a lifestyle without realizing it's happening, without realizing it's not a good thing, it's a trap.<br />
I guess that's the way it is with a lot of things that are bad for you <br />
Without realizing it - what's bad is good, and what's good is bad <br />
Before you know it - you're drowning in the water<br />
You're suffocating in your sleep<br />
you've overindulged and are now choking on what was a lovely treat <br />
And that feels safe too 1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-13142439821833949052014-04-02T20:29:00.000-07:002014-04-02T20:29:40.162-07:00I need reliefI am addicted to pain relievers<br />
<br />
My hurt and depression runs deep and I want to numb the pain<br />
<br />
The problem with pain relievers though; they do not heal, they only numb or dull the pain temporarily<br />
<br />
They do not heal<br />
<br />
Pain relievers take many forms - most of mine are actions: eating/food, cooking, cleaning, chores. Things to occupy time and space so there's no time for the pain - no time to notice that no one else notices the gaping wounds<br />
<br />
I am bandaged by sandwiches, stitched up by cooking dinner for my family, doing laundry or cleaning the bathroom is my crutch<br />
<br />
I am losing sleep lately with worry - my family doesn't talk to me, include me, reach out to me and I wonder who these people are? That contact me when they have problems or need prayer but do not see me.<br />
<br />
The pain relievers of today are no longer doing their job - they're not enough anymore and I am not healed. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-9251402678866186422014-03-22T11:42:00.002-07:002014-03-22T11:43:19.829-07:00I am low<br />
When I'm angry, I want to cuss -<br />
but most times, not always, I hold my tongue<br />
<br />
There are multiple times during the day<br />
that I long for a glass of wine, to relax and maybe even be a little tipsy and feel free. Free of responsibility and responsible thoughts and actions<br />
<br />
but I am a christian woman - we don't do that? Does it make me a hypocrite if I want that - if I do that? Am I shaming, disgracing what God has done for me, is freeing me from if I allow such things, even the thoughts into my mind, my real life?<br />
<br />
I want to be sexy in pajamas - weird but true. I picture myself in oversized, comfy, fluffy pajamas and just being so adorably cute and sexy curled up on my couch with messy hair and a cup of coffee...<br />
<br />
I want to have to tiptoe for a kiss or a hug - to have to reach up to put my arms around someone...<br />
<br />
but I am big, oversized clothes only make me look bigger, like a linebacker, a man, not cute and sexy and adorably someone you'd want to cuddle and protect. I am tall; giant - pretty much taller then anyone I know. I never have to tiptoe for a kiss, or reach up to be hugged, actually, I am bent, hunched, slouched <br />
<br />
I am low <br />
<br />
I fight this me everyday so I won't dislike myself more then I already do. 1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-81744530398047352142014-01-12T19:05:00.001-08:002014-01-12T19:05:18.716-08:00I have to mention vacation 2 weeks into the new year already<br />
Resolutions broken or on hold already<br />
<br />
But let's back up a little to just a quick recap of Christmas time.<br />
My little family went on vacation - for real. For the first time ever we spent Christmas away from my family, in another state with my husbands family. We actually planned more than a day or two at a time away from work and drove 25 hours straight to The Sunflower State, Kansas.<br />
We drove through Arizona, Texas, New Mexico, Oklahoma arriving in Cherryvale on Friday Morning - the day before the main event, our niece Taylor's wedding. We missed any bad weather on our drive there, thank you Lord - but brought with us freezing cold temps and an ice storm. <br />
It was a blessing to be able to stay with my husbands sister, Tina and her family. After resting a while from our drive we had lunch with Justin's mom at a burger place called Braums. It had been a long time since we'd seen her. That evening we attended the wedding rehearsal dinner, met some of the family friends and enjoyed fried chicken and cake. We awoke on Saturday to freezing cold temps and what I thought was beautiful, sparkly ice on everything - icicles hanging off the house, trees and vehicles. We are not used to start up our cars 20 minutes before you need to go somewhere, and scrapping and chipping the ice off your windows. My sister in law doesn't own a coffee maker!! Shock! Whaaat! No way right? But the great host that she is was kind enough to have already gone out and picked up plenty of coffee and breakfast. That afternoon was Taylor and Kenan's Christmas themed wedding. The church was simply, beautifully decorated with lighted Christmas trees, candles, pine and bows. The background music was christmasy too, with a small, 3 piece (I think) brass instruments and piano. Taylor looked beautiful in her moms wedding dress, redesigned to her taste. She has such an easy way about her, seeming genuinely happy, relaxed and confident in this day, in this decision she had made. The reception was comfortable and fun with great food, soup bar - delicious and gorgeous Christmas wedding sugar cookies - mmm mmm and some dancing fun for some at the end.<br />
Sunday morning was another big day - we woke up early to drive to Kansas City, MO. to see the Kansas City Chiefs play at Arrowhead stadium. The roads we icy and scary (IMO) When we arrived at the stadium it was so fun to see all the fans there - everyone in the Chiefs gear all in red! We'd been to Chiefs games before when they were playing California teams, so this was exciting to be on the home turf. My husband is a man of few words, few expressions but I knew he was excited for this day - I could feel it. It was a happy, great family time and I am thankful to his sister Tina for the tickets she gave him for his birthday. It was a dream come true for him. It was freezing at the game, about 20 degrees, but windy and icy. The seats were mostly frozen shut and people were chipping away at the ice but luckily our seats were in a covered pavilion that was a little more bearable then other seats, but no matter - the place was packed and loud and full of energy. There came a point where it just became too cold to stay and we walked back to our truck stiffly, frozen, sniffling and happy that we came. <br />
<br />1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-53261265968623697982013-12-16T19:30:00.002-08:002013-12-16T19:31:42.041-08:00Therefore honor God with your bodies.I received a call from my Dr. today (finally) with my biopsy results: Benign, come back in 6 months for another review. Exhale! I can breath! I have been holding my breath since last Monday, 12/9/2013 when the biopsy took place, answering my phone calls on the first ring, waiting to hear. What an emotional week - it just so happens that last Saturday 12/14 was the anniversary of my moms death, taken too soon by breast cancer and in correlation I was waiting to hear if I might have to face cancer too (I sound like such a drama queen). I feel as though I was "on hold" for this whole week, not wanting to do anything, not make a move until I know...I am grateful to God that His plan for me was different, but I know that He would have been with me either way. Remembering that nothing happens by chance - I am not my own, I am bought with a price: 1 Corinthians 6:20, Therefore honor God with your bodies.<span class="p">..I'm pretty healthy, I have goals and dreams that I feel God has put in my heart, what will I do with that? </span><br />
<span class="p">I waste alot of time worrying, I waste alot of time in jealousy and envy of others, so much so that I don't get anywhere at all myself. A wake up call of sorts: I am able to put those things behind me and be and do better for myself, for others, for God. </span>1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-29542730997229962282013-12-14T14:23:00.001-08:002013-12-14T14:23:20.212-08:00My name is Patsy, and I'm a foodaholicPotluck at work - it started innocently enough, a few pieces of fruit, some yogurt and a tamale. I was trying to be selective...until I wasn't. It's like a snowball and then an avalanche, growing and growing and falling on my head! Binge! The next plate of food has a little of everything on it, so much so, that I need a 2nd plate for the Armenian pizza I cant say no to. Then I can't even tell you what I ate from there, sadly, its a blur. I ended the day at work walking out the office with hard candy in my mouth. I never eat hard candy, really, and thinking about what I would eat next.<br />
The eating continued when I got home, some Cheetos puffs; I don't even know if I like those but they were there and I could keep chomping away until it was time to eat dinner when I had planned in my head to treat the family to In n Out Burger. I went to bed at about 11pm eating Hot Tamales candy, literally mouth full of candy. I woke up out of sleep about 1am and walked to the kitchen and mindlessly ate some cookies, turned on the TV and ate some more cheese puffs and feel asleep there - like a drunk passing out after a wild drinking binge. That's what its like, I even wake up with a food hangover, disgusted, guilty, feeling sick, needing water, with a headache saying "I will never do that again!" Until I do...1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-65647464939278385382013-12-11T11:18:00.000-08:002013-12-11T13:58:32.770-08:00Now I wait for the punchlineI was pretty emotional when I was told I needed a biopsy.<br />
At that moment, the emotions were not about me though -<br />
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 37 and her life was taken by cancer at age 47.<br />
She was not the type to "share" her experiences - she never talked about her life, her feelings, past or present to us. So, when she was going through her illness and treatment she never, ever discussed any of it with us - I think in her mind she was trying to protect us or show strength. She went through it alone and that moment in the ultrasound room, it was dark, only the light of the screen and the tech had walked out for a long while and I was alone - I felt my moms loneliness like a heavy weight on my heart and I cried, not for me but I felt like I was crying for her. I wondered if she cried - sadly, I don't know. <br />
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I was told that I have 2 masses, one that appears to look very closely to breast tissue (and will be kept an eye on in the next 6 months, and one that looks "different" (in the words of the Dr at that moment "different is not necessarily a bad thing") <br />
I was so nervous for the procedure but I think the Kaiser nurses and Drs. that were involved did a great job of preparing me, detailed and knowledgeable - they told me every step that would take place, answered every question I had and were so so nice, gentle & comforting the best "service" I've experienced. The nurses assured me that the Dr. doing my procedure was the most gentle that they work with - blessed me! cause my level of nervousness far surpassed what the experience called for in retrospect (but I also think this of mammograms, people just make mammo sounds soooo bad and that hasn't been my experience but that may be because my boobs are saggy and mostly skin due to weight loss - TMI ha! it's MY blog).<br />
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I laid on my back in the dark room so that the Dr. could use the ultrasound to pinpoint the exact area he needed to sample. So, I watched the screen while he gave me a shot - local anesthetic, similar to when you have your teeth worked on. I only felt a tiny pinch and was quickly numb. 2 needlely instruments were inserted to the left breast, I could see their target on the screen, so so tiny, a piece of dust but perfectly round and distinct. I could see when the needle reached it and heard a loud click, like a big staple gun - the sample was removed, needle reinserted and another loud click. The Dr. then inserted the tiniest titanium piece at the spot of the biopsy, like a spec - I liked that they called it a "ribbon" so that the spot will be easily viewed in the future, and he was done. One of the nurses had to stand over me and applied pressure to the area for what seemed like forever to minimize bleeding. They applied sutures and then had me just rest so they could keep an eye on me for a while - they really "babied" me, which is fine by me. Before I left they did another mammo to make sure the "ribbon" was visible, gave me instruction for after care - Ice, ice and more ice all day in my bra. Told me not to exercise or do any activity that will raise my heart rate for 3-5 days (no lifting over 5 lbs) and to heed their warning to take it easy - that I will feel fine at first, but don't be fooled. I was pretty good at first, probably mostly relief that the procedure was done - but as the day went on I was really sore and have been for the last few days - this is day 3 and I still feel sore.<br />
They said it would take 3 to 5 days to receive the results of the biopsy - so, now I am waiting to hear. They asked, should we leave a message if we can't reach you? I guess so, no, maybe not, what if its positive and my daughter hears the message before me and she's alone and I can't comfort her? No, no message. The Dr. the nurses & Google have all told me of the slim slim chances that the spot is cancer. I wonder if that is what they told my mom too...I will never know.<br />
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1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-50850406110951599802013-12-09T06:15:00.002-08:002013-12-11T13:59:08.910-08:00A jokeSo, these 2 mammograms and an ultrasound walk into a bar...<br />
<br />
today I will have a breast biopsy to see if they found trouble<br />
<br />
1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-74491548532836588342013-12-06T16:45:00.000-08:002013-12-07T08:48:13.961-08:00You make beautiful thingsMy daughter made my blog pretty! So I have to post something -<br />
I'm pretty computer illiterate - but she's a wiz. I (all too often) ask her to help me with things on the computer, even putting songs on my iPod.<br />
I thought a blog would be a great outlet and I'd have all these things to say - opinions, ideas...but the thoughts get tangled and seem overwhelming sometimes. It would be so ideal if I just knew how to keep things simple. My mind is either a list: 1, 2, 3, or a novel - words upon words, there's seems to be no in between and that is what keeps me from writing down anything at all most times. I think a blog should be personal, but how much to say? And then the focus of the subject matter - what I think about, what my interests are...what do I like? I like food and I like running, but can these always be the topic? How many times can I talk about these things geesh! I wonder why I am wired this way - why I have the interest that I have? Is this Gods plan, is He making something beautiful out of this stuff? I can only hope and have faith that He is. <br />
Struggle with weight, self / body image has been a constant for me. Most days I feel like clean eating has helped me find a balance I can live with where food is concerned - not everyday, not all the time, but enough to keep me sticking to it, even when I have a "special" dinner out or something I can (more easily) pick up eating real food again - it's food that I like and enjoy anyway. <br />
Exercise, oh exercise I don't like you - but running...suddenly something I want to do! My body does not agree but my heart pitter-patters at the thought! My legs, ankle (see previous post), hips (SI joint dysfunction), all think that running is a bad idea. Lately I have been doing anything I can to stay at it, even just a mile or 2 a day, a walk, with the dog - but I know it is not enough considering I have a soon approaching half marathon. What will happen...everyone says they just push through the pain, the weather and adversity and just tough it out.<br />
I don't know what else to say right now and I would like to learn to just blog whatever comes and not push to some great novel or epiphany with each entry - just what's on my mind right now:<br />
1. A personal medical issue<br />
2. I am making chili - mmm<br />
3. I just signed up for Spotify and can look up and play any song I want, they have pretty much everything even old stuff from childhood that my family loved as kids (listening to Sweet Comfort Band (1990) right now) <br />
4. God makes beautiful things out of us - I am more than food and exercise and I know that God has a plan in all of this, all the things I like, go through etc... <br />
<br />
Okay, TTFN<br />
<br />1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-33927956981717085802013-11-07T20:27:00.002-08:002013-11-07T20:28:29.133-08:00I love to eat and run. I am very hard on myself. I am not sure how I will ever have a shift in my mind that will change that. When I think of the things I like, the things I enjoy - they seem so opposite of me, opposite of my physical & mental state, maybe its because it's what I dream of or wish I had. I love food. I think its beautiful and fun - I love to look at it, touch it, taste it talk about it, shop for it...take pics of it (the list is endless!) I think it basically has magical powers - yet it seems to be my worst enemy, not because of what it is , but because of what I am. Or what I see myself to be. <br />
I want so badly to run! I feel it like a burn in my heart and I think about it all of the time and picture myself doing it...when in reality - in my physical state, I am big and cumbersome. I have so much skin everywhere it drags me down. In addition, when I was 18 years old I was in a car accident in which my ankle was broken and I spent a month in the hospital getting my leg and ankle set, physical therapy etc... and I now have a metal plate and screws in my ankle about 6 inches long that cause me pain at times and results in extra strain on my other leg and hips when I run. I don't think I have ever had an "easy" run, one that doesn't hurt to some extent. As I am typing this I hear my mind saying things like "are you feeling sorry for yourself, your sob story - are you looking for excuses, and for others to feel sorry for you". I feel like I am trying to explain to myself why I cannot ever be more than I see myself as right now, why I never call myself a runner, why I see myself as fat and unhealthy and not good enough...trying to explain and make excuses for why I am not / cannot be the smiling runner, slim, fast, having an "easy" 12 miles today before the sun rises...<br />
1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-90463209750098624092013-05-30T21:45:00.000-07:002013-05-30T21:50:04.951-07:00Some People Just Don't Have It - continuedAfter reading my first blog post a lovely person reminded me about how important encouragement from others is to our journey and progress and good-naturedly mentioned that maybe my hubby needs a little practice in the area of encouragement. I just wanted to clarify that my husband has been very encouraging along this road and I am so used to his encouragement and pep talks that his TRUTH made me do a double take. In thinking about this I was thankful that he spoke the truth to me. It does me no good for a loved one to coddle me with encouragement when they KNOW darn well that I am not pushing myself to be my best. It reminds me of the verse in Ephesians 4:15 ~ "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ."<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The truth spoken in love that betters me is sweeter then encouragement that leaves me chasing my tail :) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tonight I met my husband again for a run after work with a different mindset - ready to push and give a little more, and it was good. "I have that push, I have that push..." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am so blessed to have encouraging partners & family in my life and if you reallllllly love me, tell me the truth...in love of course. </span></div>
1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2891396741127018476.post-24447537338083589152013-05-29T21:17:00.000-07:002013-05-29T21:17:20.908-07:00Some People Just Don't Have itMy husband and I met after work to go for a "run". We've both been up since 5am and at work all day and needless to say - I'm not feeling it. We stretch and start on our way, a jog. I tell my husband to go ahead and run his pace and he sets off ahead of me. I do 2, 13 minute slow miles and about a half mile walking. When I meet my husband at the end of the path we walk together to cool down and I begin to complain and whine about how loooonnnng I've been trying to run, how I've kept at it and I'm still not making progress, still not running longer, still not running stronger, blah, blah, blah - this is my usual self evaluation to which he should then say "you're doing great" (or at least "you're doing fine") some kind of pep talk, but in place of this type of singsong encouragement he says "some people just don't have it, some people just don't have that "push". For a split second I was hurt that he would say that, he knew it and started to back-peddle on the comment but I realized he was right - I certainly haven't been acting like I "have it", I certainly don't push myself. I don't like to feel pain in my joints, I don't like breathing heavy and being sweaty - In the moment, I don't like it at all. But after, when it's said and done and I've pushed myself it feels great! and I haven't had that feeling in quite a long time... I do just enough to appear active, just enough to not feel like a quitter. If I'm not pushing myself for more I think I am already a quitter. I have that PUSH! I DO! I have heard people say that they repeat a mantra to themselves while they run, for encouragement & rhythm like: "I think I can, I think I can..." Mine may just have to be "I have that push, I have that push..." cause I realllllly want to run & see progress to prove to myself that I have IT! <div>
Are you pushing yourself to your goals, or doing just enough to get by?</div>
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Do you have a mantra you use that keeps you going?</div>
1000 Yellow Daisieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844214448144921429noreply@blogger.com0